When we Catholics, come together for worship, we usually begin with calling to mind our sinfulness. Examination of conscience and acknowledgment of sin is part and parcel of our daily prayer and devotions. Now some Christians of the I’m-okay-you’re-okay school of spirituality raise the issue that constant consciousness of one’s sinfulness could lead to low self-image and self-hate. Some people are so preoccupied with the sins they committed in the past, or the sinful habits they have in the present, that they become spiritually immobilized and morose, no longer able to celebrate life. This is unfortunate. Awareness of our sinfulness, when done in the right spirit, is a most healthy and empowering spiritual exercise. In today’s second reading from his First Letter to Timothy, Paul accuses himself to be the chief of sinners: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the foremost” (1 Timothy 1:15). Awareness of his sinfulness did not lead Paul to low self-esteem or depression. It led him to a vibrant life of gratitude and praise to God, and humility toward God and neighbour in his ministry.
Paul starts off with a joyful hymn of praise and thanksgiving: “I am grateful to Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because he judged me faithful and appointed me to his service” (verse 12). Because he knows he is a sinner, Paul is able to see anything good in his life not as a personal achievement but as the grace of God at work in him. For this he gives God continual thanks and praise. People who are not aware of their sinfulness tend to think that the good things in their lives are a result of their personal goodness and holiness. Before they know it, they slip into a hypocritical better-than-thou attitude which makes them look with disdain on those who are not as good as they are. Jesus condemned this pharisaical hypocrisy more than any other sin because it is the highest form of spiritual self-deception. The more we realize our utter sinfulness as Paul does, the more we appreciate the amazing grace of God in our lives. Our lives then become, like Paul’s, a continual act of praise and thanksgiving to God who judges us faithful in spite of our unfaithfulness.
Awareness of our sins is just one side of the coin. Looking continually only at this one side is enough to depress anybody. But we should look also at the other side of the coin every time we call to mind our sins. This other side is God’s mercy and forgiveness: “But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief” (verse 13). Jesus prayed for his killers saying that they did not know what they were doing (Luke 23:34). If those who killed the Son of God could be forgiven because they acted in ignorance, then every human sin could be forgiven because there is an element of ignorance that clouds our spiritual and moral insight at the moment of sin. Judas betrayed Jesus. When he became aware of his sins, he did not recall God’s mercy. So he gave in to despair and committed suicide. Peter also denied Jesus. When he became aware of his sins he recalled God’s infinite mercy. So he repented and became a saint. Awareness of our sinfulness must always include awareness of God’s mercy.
There is a saying of Jesus which Luke loves so much that he records it twice: “All who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted” (Luke 14:11; 18:14). Humility is indispensable in true Christian spirituality and nothing is more humbling than an awareness of our sins, the various ways in which we have failed God, our neighbour and ourselves. Humility makes us more effective channels of God’s love. Just as a recovered addict can minister more effectively to an active addict, so can a forgiven sinner minister more effectively to active sinners. Reflecting on his sinfulness and on how God continues to forgive and trust him, Paul can now tell his life story as “an example to those who would come to believe in him for eternal life” (1 Timothy 1:16). What God has done for me and in me, Paul would say to sinners, He can also do for you and in you. Maybe we can become better witnesses of God’s love in our world today when we see ourselves as forgiven sinners inviting other sinners to come on and received God’s forgiveness as we have done, rather than presenting ourselves as holy people trying to save poor sinners on the way to hell.
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